Staring Through My Rearview

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I feel that everyone reading this will be able to relate in at least one way or another. Why life is so hard is a question that I am sure almost every normal person has asked at least once in their life. This is how I have been feeling the past few days and this is what has motivated me to write this blog. Life can feel like it is difficult at many points in time.

Something that keeps me moving forward when I feel like giving up is when I think about how far I have already come. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would have made it to where I am today and doing the things I am now doing. This is what the past is good for. If you are going to look back make sure it is only to see how far you have come and use that as motivation to keep moving forward. This is my story of how far I have come and I am not sure how things will work out from here but I do know that I will not give up on my dreams.

I feel that when I was younger and was up to no good that life was so easy. I had what seemed like an abundance of friends, money and good times. Almost nothing could ever go wrong. It seemed like I always got everything I wanted with ease and very little effort on my part. I could do no wrong. There was no pressure from others to perform or people watching to see what I would do next. Of course there was a huge risk in the lifestyle I was living that something would happen to me but that was always second thought to how good I felt I had it.

Fast forward a few years to where I am now and everything is almost the opposite. I have changed pretty much every aspect of my life. I decided about five years ago that I would never go back to what I used to do no matter what. The first year after making this decision was really rough. I walked away from my old life with pretty much not a dime to my name. I had no idea what I was going to do next. I was pretty much living off of a credit card that I had at the time while pretending that it was all good.

I then went to work for someone I knew that owned a business and I felt would help me find my way. I wasn’t making much but it was enough to get by and I learned a lot. This is also when I got my dog Athena. At the end of this first year my friend and I had a personal falling out and I left this job as well. At this time I had also been working on a network marketing business. Since I stopped working for my friend I decided that I was going to devote 100% of my time to this network marketing business. I felt good and that this was going to work out. 1 week later that business was shut down by the FTC and that was the end of that. One year later I was back at where I was a year earlier, broke and lost and not a clue as to what I was going to do next.

At this point in my life is when I began to take some personal development classes. Two of my friends had been telling me I should take this class for the past year and I always said no because I had no time but now that I had no job or business to work on I had all the time in the world. I went to the class and absolutely loved it. It was just what I had been looking for and it came at the perfect time. It helped me understand why I was the way I was and why I was getting the results in life that I was getting. The most important thing that it helped me understand was that I had a choice in the matter. I could choose who I wanted to be and what kind of life I wanted to live. My past did not have to define my future.

Right after I took the first class I signed up for lots more without having any idea how I was going to pay for it as I still had no job. Soon after I began working another job that I was not excited about but was a paycheck. Again it wasn’t much but it was enough to get by and pay for stuff here and there. I stayed with this job for about seven or eight months until I just couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t like going there and doing something I thought was boring and had no passion for. Once again I had no idea what I was going to do next.

For those seven to eight months I had been constantly in the classroom learning as much as I could. Taking as many classes as possible and doing anything I could to make myself a better person. I have always been a huge bookworm so on top of all the classes I was taking I was also reading tons of books. Always preaching to others about what I had learned and what they should be doing. I grew a lot as a person during this time in my life. I found that when things get rough, if we choose to embrace it and push through, that it can be a time of enormous growth.

Then at the end of the second year of my new life I began to work for someone I had met through the network marketing business I had been a part of. We didn’t know each other that well but she needed help and I needed a paycheck. We both took a risk on each other and that is what life is about sometimes. Trusting that it will work out and believing in people. I have now been there for three years and we have developed an excellent work relationship and friendship. I am only there part time but it is definitely a win/win situation for the both of us. We both benefit from the arrangement and get to help the other out.

It was right after I started this job that I decided to start Rodos Questions. You would not be reading this right now if I had not made that decision three years ago. I started Rodos Questions because I got tired of preaching to people when a lot of people would just argue with me and fight with me because they didn’t agree. So I decided that I would just post my thoughts on YouTube and a blog and whoever wanted to watch or read could do so. It would save me time and stress as only the people that wanted to hear what I had to say would come and I could reach a lot more people this way. I wasn’t too sure where Rodos Questions was going to take me but I knew it was a way for me to get my message out and that it was a start.

During this first year of the new job and Rodos Questions I was also doing cash jobs for a few different friends here and there to make extra money so I could make ends meet. Things were going pretty good and I still had lots of free time to work on Rodos Questions. The cash jobs didn’t last for too long though and again money got tight. This was a constant theme since I had decided to change my life and still is. I kept wondering, if this is what I am supposed to do then why does it seem so hard? Why is it so hard to get ahead?

I then decided to take another job at a machine shop that my friend had got for me. This job solved my money problems as it paid pretty well and I also kept working with my other friend. I was working two jobs at once for the first time in my life. It was good at first as I was learning so much at my new job. Prior to working there the only tools I had used in my life were a hammer and screwdriver. Now I was learning how to use power tools and even build heavy duty oilfield tools.

It got to the point where this too got boring and I hated going there too. It wasn’t in alignment with what I wanted to do in life and the oilfield was against what I believe in. It also took most of my free time away and I had no energy to work on Rodos Questions. I had begun to neglect my goals and dreams for this job. For months I thought about quitting but the money kept me there. I was then laid off after being there for 15 months. I was actually pretty happy as I now got to walk away from a job that I did not like going to and collect employment insurance. It was the best thing that could have happened to me.

Before I got laid off I had signed up for a course that was going to teach me how to build an online course to sell online. That course happened to open up on the same day that I was laid off. That was not a coincidence. It was perfect and meant to be. I am still working on this course and it will be out in spring of 2017.

With my new found time off I began to work on Rodos Questions even more. During this time that I was not working I went to a seminar about how to become an Author. I thought this was a brilliant idea and so I added this to my projects that I am working on.

Throughout this whole time I never stopped taking classes and furthering my knowledge and working on myself. I also began volunteering and giving back to the community. My main goal was to just better myself and those around me. This is my goal behind Rodos Questions and everything I do now.

A few months ago my employment insurance ran out and I now find myself almost in the same situation as four and five years ago. Broke. This time I am not lost though. This time I have the tools and knowledge on how to move forward and this time I also have the support I need in the form of real relationships with people who accept me for who I am and not just people who are around because of what I can do for them.

If you notice in the beginning of this blog I wrote “what seemed like an abundance of friends.” None of these people were around when I had nothing and was down on my luck. Well almost none of them. There have always been a few friends that have stayed by my side since day one and I am forever grateful for them. My family also stayed by my side no matter what and if it were not for my mom I would not be in the position I am in today being able to help so many others.

There were many people that were just there for the highs in life and when the lows came they were gone like the wind. I am grateful for these people too as they taught me some of the biggest lessons I have learned. Not everyone will stay with you forever but everyone that comes into your life, whether for five seconds or forever, has something to teach you.

So as it stands right now I am still not sure what is going to happen next. I am unsure of how things will turn out and I feel a lot of pressure on my shoulders. I feel like there is a spotlight on me. Everyone is watching to see what I do. Will I succeed or will I fail? Will they be there to say I told you so or to congratulate me?

When you step out in life and decide to live differently than others not everyone will be quick to jump behind you and support you. People will wait and see what happens first. I feel that the reason for this is because they have not seen anyone do it before. They just know what they have been told and taught and that is what they do. This is how I feel that a lot of people are looking at me now. Waiting to see whether I succeed or fail.

Will I make it in my own way seems to be the biggest question for me. For everything I have learned and tell people about trusting in the universe, god, consciousness and going for your dreams will be proven as truth or false. It is a monumental process that is happening and I definitely feel the stress from that.

What will happen next? I am not sure but I can tell you what will not happen next. I will not quit and I will not give up. That is not who I am or what I do. The book will be out in the next three months and the course will be too.

Thank you to everyone that has supported me thus far. I could not have made it this far without all of you.

The late, great 2pac gave me the inspiration to name this blog Staring Through My Rearview. I will end with this. If you are ever going to look back on life make sure it is only to see how far you have come. Use that as motivation to keep pushing forward and never give up.

“I’m seeing nothing but my dreams coming true while I’m staring at the world through my rearview…” – 2pac

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